9 March 2017 Gita Govinda, Canto 6, Ch. 7
vipula-pulaka-pāliḥ sphīta-sītkāram antar-
tava kitava vidhāyāmanda-kandarpa-cintāṁ
rasa-jaladhi-nimagnā dhyāna-lagnā mṛgākṣī
Parabrahma Krsna came to live in Vrndavana. He completely forgot about Vaikuntha. He prayed to the Vrajavasis, “Please accept Me. Millions of devotees pray to Me and take shelter of Me, but I never take shelter of anyone. Now I understand the special glories of Vrndavan, but alas, here no one will accept My service.
“I accept all kinds of jivas, elevate them to higher planets and reward their good activities and practice as I see fit, but how amazing it is that I Myself have no shelter. The problem is that I cannot fully offer Myself. The Vrajavasis have so many special qualities but I am completely unqualified to be accepted by them.”
. . .
Radharani said to Her sakhi, “The son of Nanda is a cheater. He says one thing and does another. It is best to forget Him. We should be careful. He is very clever. If you just look at Him, He will use your eyes like a gate and then enter your heart. He will say, “You are mine and I am yours. I am your lover and you are My beloved.” But as soon as you meet with Him He will break your heart. Still, alas, you cannot remove Him from your heart once He has entered within. This is very painful.”
aṅgeṣv ābharaṇaṁ karoti bahuśaḥ patre ’pi sañcāriṇi
prāptaṁ tvāṁ pariśaṅkate vitanute śayyāṁ ciraṁ dhyāyati
vyāsaktāpi vinā tvayā vara-tanur naiṣā niśāṁ neṣyati
Srimati Radharani has many beautiful ornaments. When She felt these ornaments touch Her body She thought Krsna was touching Her. Feeling the touch of Her necklace, She thought that Krsna had come and embraced Her. When Her earrings swung back and forth and touched Her face She thought Krsna was kissing Her. She thus finds uddipana in so many ways.
Sometimes Srimati Radharani waits in a kunja for Krsna, but when He does not come on time she enters a state of mana. She cries and displays symptoms of the highest love such as prajalpa.
Krsna becomes surprised at such times. “All these emotions and symptoms of fathomless love—all of this because of one person…Me?”
kiṁ viśrāmyasi kṛṣṇa-bhogi-bhavane bhāṇḍīra-bhūmī-ruhe
bhrātar yāsi na dṛṣṭi-gocaram itaḥ sānanda-nandāspadam
rādhāyā vacanaṁ tad adhvaga-mukhān nandāntike gopato
govindasya jayanti sāyam atithi-prāśastya-garbhā giraḥ
This time, seeing that Krsna was late, Srimati Radharani sent a messenger. The girl disguised herself as a common traveler and approached Krsna. “Come to the house of Srimati as our chief guest,” she said to Him. “Why are You here sitting under this banyan tree? Surely this is not where You sleep at night. You should not stay here very long. A black snake lives here. Very soon he will come out and disturb everyone. Come to Srimati’s house. There is no snake there. Otherwise, why don’t You go home to Nanda Maharaja?”
Krsna did not speak.
The messenger repeated, “Why are You crying here under this banyan tree? I cannot understand. You can accept the invitation which I bring, or You can go to Nanda-bhavana. It is not so far from here. Don’t wait here for the snake to come and bite you, go home and share your affection with Your friends and family. They will be so happy.”
But Krsna was practicing gopi-bhava, which is gopana, very secretive. This philosophy states that you must never speak what is in your heart. If you do, it may be lost.
Krsna had been thinking that he ought not go to Srimati Radharani’s kunja without invitation. He was also wondering what service He would be able to do there.
. . .
Now starts the seventh section, which Jayadeva Gosvami marks with the words ‘nagara-narayana.’
Narayana has now abandoned kingly dress and now dresses as Natavara Nanda-kisora. He has no memory of Vaikuntha. He is now everybody’s sevaka. Before He was the Supreme Godhead, now, in Vraja, He is the humble servant. He first trained with the cows to learn to be humble like them. They eat and live very simply and also offer everyone their milk with a sweet mood. He serves everyone. He serves the cuckoos, peacocks, deer, the gopas, gopis, his elders, and everyone. He says, “If I can please them (the bhaktas) then they will accept Me.”
Krsna trains and practices like this in Vraja-dhama. He trains under the sakhis and manjaris how to serve Srimatiji. In no other form did He undergo such focused training.
This is nagara-narayana.
atrāntare ca kulaṭā-kula-vartma-pāta-
sañjāta-pātaka iva sphuṭa-lāñchana-śrīḥ
vṛndāvanāntaram adīpayad aṁśu-jālair
Krsna desired to go to Radharani, but He desired to go with candana, kasturi, kumkum and so on, to decorate Srimati’s feet or forehead. “I must learn to serve. If I can please Srimati and the Vraja-devis then I will also be happy. If I cannot satisfy them then I am useless.”
This is a simple fact. If you desire to make people happy with you then you must do something for them. If you do nothing and expect affection and respect from everyone then you will always be frustrated, for that will never come to you.
. . .
Radharani was waiting in the kunja. Seeing the moonrise, she became upset. “O sinful one!” She said to the moon. “Why have you risen? What are you doing here?” Then Her sakhis come to Her side and try to console Her.
prasarati śaśadhara-bimbe vihita-vilambe ca mādhave vidhurā
viracita-vividha-vilāpaṁ sā paritāpaṁ cakāroccaiḥ
The rising of the moon emphasized the fact that Krsna was late. This only increased Srimati Radharani’s pain of separation from Krsna. She began to weep.
kathita-samaye ’pi harir ahaha na yayau vanam
mama viphalam idam amalam api rūpa-yauvanam
yāmi he! kam iha śaraṇaṁ
Srimatiji lamented, “Oh, My youth and beauty are useless! I am here in this forest and Hari has not come. I sent a messenger, but the messenger did not return with Madhava. What will I do? This pain is too strong for Me to tolerate. It is burning Me.
“Alas, My sakhi left with the words, ‘Do not worry, I will bring Krsna now,’ but just see—the moon has fully risen. Surely Syamasundara will not come now. He will be afraid of being spotted in the moonlight. When it is very dark I can have the chance to meet with Him, talk with Him, and serve Him, but the moon has now made this impossible. What a cruel cheater Candra is! Why has he come? He has made My entire life useless.”
ad-anugamanāya niśi gahanam api śīlitam
tena mama hṛdayam idam asamaśara-kīlitam
“Alas what will I do now? Where shall I look for shelter? He will not come here now. He has so many people waiting for Him, ready to offer Him heartfelt service. He will taste all their gifts and presentations and reciprocate with all of them, for He has a very soft heart. This will take so much time. Surely He won’t come now.” Radharani lamented in this way and began to repeat the bija-mantra, ‘klim.’
mama maraṇam eva varam ati-vitatha-ketanā
kim iha viṣahāmi virahānalam acetanā
She thought, “I wish to die at once. If this body is not used in Krsna’s service then it is useless.”
As She began to lose external consciousness, Srimati said, “I am useless. I have come to this deep part of the forest to meet My beloved, but how can I bring Him here? How can I serve Him? How can I tolerate this separation? I have no more patience. I am simply useless and devoid of devotion, therefore He is not accepting Me.”
Thus, bewildered by grief, Srimati expressed Her lamentation in many ways and then became senseless.
mām ahaha vidhurayati madhura-madhu-yāminī
kāpi harim anubhavati kṛta-sukṛta-kāminī
Srimati woke only to lament further. She said, “Oh how unfortunate I am! This Vasanta season is not giving me any comfort. I am devoid of pious merit. I cannot serve Him. Everyone has offered their heart to Krsna but I alone am useless. How can He accept Me? How can I serve Him?”
ahaha kalayāmi valayādi-maṇi-bhūṣaṇam
Srimati looked at Her own limbs. “Why am I wearing these bangles?” She said. “They are causing Me great pain! Why am I wearing this garland and this crown? O sakhis, you cheated Me. You told me Krsna would be pleased to see all this, but now it is burning Me like a fire. Remove it all! I cannot wear these ornaments anymore. They are a curse. You do not give Me pleasure by decorating Me, for if I cannot serve Krsna by such an activity then that and my whole life is useless.”
srag api hṛdi hanti mām ati-viṣama-śīlayā
“I am wearing this garland of soft and sweet smelling flowers but look, they become dry by touching My body, which is burning in the fire of separation from My beloved. I cannot give these flowers the pleasure of touching Krsna’s body. Instead, they are only touching Me and are thus burning. I cannot tolerate this pain anymore. This bed of soft flower petals is actually hurting Me so much. My heart is now broken.”
aham iha nivasāmi na gaṇita-vana-vetasā
smarati madhusūdano mām api na cetasā
“I came here to this kunja on the bank of the Yamuna and waited, thinking My beloved would definitely come, after returning with the cows and giving them water. But to My despair, He has not come. I have come into this thick forest just for Him. Does Madhusudana not think about this? Oh, how unfortunate I am! “
vasatu hṛdi yuvatir iva komala-kalāvatī
Srimati Radharani, whose heart and face are equally soft and sweet, continuously thinks about the lotus feet of Krsna. Her mind cannot be taken away from there. This is impossible. She now thought, “I have no one else. How can I serve and decorate those feet and always carry them in My heart? My heart is ablaze in this separation. That must be why He has not come. If He comes I will burn Him?”
tat kiṁ kām api kāminīm abhisṛtaḥ kiṁ vā kalā-kelibhir
baddho bandhubhir andhakāriṇi vanābhyarṇe kim udbhrāmyati
kāntaḥ klānta-manā manāg api pathi prasthātum evākṣamaḥ
saṅketī-kṛta-mañju-vañjula-latā-kuñje ’pi yan nāgataḥ
“Why has He not come? Has He forgotten Me and gone to another girl?” Srimatiji now had this doubt.
athāgatāṁ mādhavam antareṇa
sakhīm iyaṁ vīkṣya viṣāda-mūkām
viśaṅkamānā ramitaṁ kayāpi
janārdanaṁ dṛṣṭavad etad āha
Without Madhava, Srimati Radharani’s heart filled with sadness. She thought, “My messenger has not returned with Janardana. Definitely some other sakhi has stolen Him and He has forgotten Me.”
Sri Jayadeva Gosvami understands Srimati’s increasing pain of separation and has written about it here.