O Lord, the gopīs are describing your fickle glances, your tender, witty talking, Your slow gait, made graceful by the swell of passion, Your eager embraces, and Your distracting, agitating, intoxicating smile.
If anyone hears Kṛṣṇa’s glories, these will make one’s life restless and one will feel a heat within. This heat is intolerable, for it is transcendental. One won’t be able to tolerate it when it becomes too hot, and will fall senseless. Kṛṣṇa’s glories go inside and produce great heat, stealing the strength of the senses and making one as if paralyzed. One will fall senseless, as if one has been shot by a poisonous arrow. The body will then be injured. Kṛṣṇa-kathā is ārdra-jalpitaṁ, very sweet at the time of drinking, but later it is very painful. One cannot tolerate or digest this. One may think, “I will keep this with me.” But it is not possible. One behaves as if crazy and mad, always talking, whether alone or with many people, being no longer shy or considerate of any worldly concerns. Then one prays:
kāhāṅ mora prāṇa-nātha muralī-vadana
kāhāṅ karoṅ kāhāṅ pāṅ vrajendra-nandana
kāhāre kahiba, kebā jāne mora duḥkha
vrajendra-nandana vinu phāṭe mora buka
Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya 2.16-17
Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu used to express His mind in this way: “Where is the Lord of My life, who is playing His flute? What shall I do now? Where should I go to find the son of Mahārāja Nanda? To whom should I speak? Who can understand My disappointment? Without the son of Nanda Mahārāja, My heart is broken.”
mādhava, bahuta minati kori toya, dei tulasī ṭīlā,
deho samarpinu, doyā jāni nā chāḍabi moya
O Mādhava, with this offering of a tulasī leaf and sesame seeds, I beseech You and pledge my body in Your service. I know Your compassion is such that You will not reject me.
This rasa is sweet and full of nectar. Hearing topics of Kṛṣṇa, this position of restlessness will come. When the vraja-gopīs meet with Him and see His restless eyes, it is like they are arrested in His prison. Now they are prisoners without any chance of leaving. He steals everything. Gambhīra-vilāsa-mantharam—Kṛṣṇa came and embraced them, but they have no sense, they don’t know anything. Kṛṣṇa is surprised. He embraces, kisses, and massages them, but sees that they are not inside their bodies. Internally, they are meeting with Kṛṣṇa. When their external sense comes back, they want to walk, but can’t. While walking, they smile, and take the wrong path. They don’t know when or what they are singing, or for how long. Sometimes they dance, but for how long, there is no guarantee. They are very restless, moving here and there.
One sakhī prays to another, “Friend, why is your condition like this? You are very restless. Sometimes you are senseless, sometimes you cry, sometimes you weep, sometimes you laugh, smile, dance, talk, walk, sit—you are always restless. Why is your condition like this? Who has made you like this?”
At first she gives no answer. She is in antar-daśā, internal consciousness. But when in ardha-bāhya-daśā, she has half open eyes and looks here and there as if something is lost. A little later, bāhya-daśā comes, and she asks, “Where did you come from? Why did you come? Where am I? Where has everyone gone? Why am I here?” She can’t understand where she is.
The sakhīs understand she has some problem and take care of her, bathe her, dress her, arrange some cooking for her. While they’re cooking, sometimes one of them will remember Kṛṣṇa, and suddenly sit. Cooking is going on, but she won’t have any sense. Another sakhī then comes and quickly takes care of her friend and the preparation she was making.
Kṛṣṇa is līlā-vilāsi. His līlā-śakti came and made the gopī senseless, remembering the pastimes of Kṛṣṇa.
When Kṛṣṇa goes, some sense returns, but when He comes again, all energy, and sense is lost. When Kṛṣṇa comes within their hearts, He deeply embraces the gopīs, and smiles or teases them. Then they think, “How has this condition come upon me?”
Srila Bilavamangala Thakur ki Jaya! (Excerpted from the Bhaktabandhav book publication, “Krsna Karnamrta”. Available from: [email protected] )